By Rabbi Haggai Londin, translated by Hillel Fendel
In our current-day world of unprecedented economic plenty, the pinnacle of human aspiration has shifted to the pursuit of recognition and publicity. Just before we click on the "share" button yet again and become part of this nightmarish cycle, let us consider the significance of our actions in the world of social networks.
Let's start with a small social experiment. Ask a typical teenage girl: "Who is the wealthiest woman in the country?" She is not likely to know. Then ask her this: "Who is the top female singer or actress?" You will undoubtedly receive an immediate answer (even if it is wrong). This trivial experiment proves that the rules have changed: Goodbye money, hello publicity and image.
Our thought patterns were long accustomed to the notion that wealth was humanity's main aspiration, but the 21st century has changed this picture. We find ourselves now surrounded by economic abundance never before seen in human and Jewish history. The passion for money has been replaced by a lust that is more delicate yet more complex: the desire for social recognition – i.e., the desire to be liked.
For the sake of popularity and ratings, we post on Instagram photos of our perfect, smiling family – and we also wake up in fright from a dream in which we underwent an incident of shaming. This is also why we invest tremendous efforts and resources in making our bodies and our clothing look top-tier. All this is a legacy from the Western culture of ancient Greece, that which sanctifies and promotes external beauty.
Narcissus' Selfie
Greek mythology tells of a handsome lad named Narcissus, who fell in love with his own reflection in a river. He could not stop staring at it in rapture until he died of hunger. The interesting thing is that Narcissus is not only a mythical figure, but something that lives on in our souls. Many of us confuse our important need to find and maintain our place in G-d's world, and narcissism. Just like the boy who stared at his own reflection, so too our generation stares at itself in many ways: It begins with long hours in front of the mirror, continues with speech filled with "I" and "me," and with taking selfies whenever possible, and ends with near-exclusive preoccupation with one's career. And thus we have the first stage of the addiction.
The next stage sees the problem developing in an interesting direction: It turns out that our exaggerated imaginary image, and the compliments we give ourselves, are not always in sync with reality. This leads to discord and distress, followed by the development of an entire ideology, the essence of which is: "Accept me as I am." There is no "good" or "bad," no objective standards, no one who can judge us. We develop total immunity to outside criticism.
In the third stage, a dissonance develops: The person knows that he has defects, but he has already announced to the world, and himself, that he is fine with himself as he is. Beneath his smug smile lies the constant recognition that he is not perfect – while he still has to convince everyone, and especially himself, that he is indeed perfect. Before our very eyes a fascinating phenomenon takes place: The same people who announce day and night that they don't care what others think, are obsessive about persuading others that this is in fact the case.
In addition, these "I'm fine" people often need to post pictures of the latest developments in their lives, no matter how trivial – and anxiously await the "likes" they pine for.
The final stage is the apex of degradation. People become willing to humiliate themselves for even a drop of attention. The drug of "image" has caused them, as in other addictions, to do and risk all. People are willing to demean themselves on reality shows, post revealing photos, and undress physically and emotionally in front of all, simply to gain the illusion of importance. In extreme cases, addiction can also lead to suicidal tendencies, for even if a person manages to gain five minutes or fifty years of fame – in the end, the glory always passes.
Common Sense
How can this cycle be stopped? First of all, people must stop humiliating themselves. "All publicity is good publicity" is a stupid rule invented by money-hungry PR careerists. The next time you consider uploading something silly or less than complimentary about yourself, take a deep breath and ask yourself three common sense questions: Is it critical, or even important, to upload this, from an objective standpoint? Will it make a positive difference for anyone? And will the positive results from this exposure outweigh the negative?
If the answer to all three questions is affirmative, then please go right ahead and post it, honorably and to the point. But if you answered no to even one question - don't do it. Wait a few seconds, take a drink of water - and the "uncontrollable urge" will pass. If necessary, repeat to yourself the teaching from Pirkei Avot, "A protective fence for wisdom is silence" [roughly parallel to "silence is golden").
After we succeed in eliminating demeaning publicity, we should try to reduce publicity altogether. One who wishes to propose to his intended need not do so underwater with a crew of cameramen around, and then upload it to Youtube with the title, "The Best Proposal Ever." Instead, he can accompany her to the Western Wall, just the two of them together, and commit to each other to strive to build "the happiest home ever."
We might also then adjust our perspective on the fame and glory of others. We must free ourselves from blind admiration of people we don't even know, and choose not to select our cars, clothing, and foods based on what the celebs like. A believing Jew is one who "worships" none other than the Master of the World. He may and should admire Torah scholars, but not go beyond that. There is no need to cleave to celebs, nor to go crazy over a chance encounter with them, nor to read gossip about their personal lives.
The following "extreme" story might guide us in setting our priorities straight. A student of the Kotzker Rebbe was on his deathbed. He suddenly turned to those around him and said, "The Evil Inclination is tempting me now to recite Kriat Shma; aloud, so that it will be said about me that my soul departed from me as I said the words, 'G-d is One.' But I won't give in! I say to the Evil Inclination, "No, I will not say Kriat Shma now!" – and his soul left him.
When this amazing incident was recounted to the Kotzker Rebbe, he – even more amazingly – said as follows: "The Inclination still defeated him. For why did he have to tell everyone around him?"
As we say in the Grace After Meals, "Let us find favor in the eyes of G-d and of man" – first in G-d's eyes, and only afterwards, in man's eyes.
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