by Rav Moshe Leib HaCohen Halbershtat, yeshiva.org.il, translated by Hillel Fendel.
This week's Torah portion of Vayehi (B'reshit 47,28-50,26), with which we conclude the Book of B'reshit, tells the story of Yaakov's blessings to his grandsons Ephraim and Menashe, sons of Yoseph.
From Yoseph's point of view, children must be raised without the slightest fear that one of them is being treated unfairly compared to his siblings. He remembers that oh-so-bitter day when he was only 17 years old, how his older brothers caught him, sentenced him to death, removed his cloak, and threw him into a pit empty of water but filled with snakes and scorpions (37,23-24). At that moment, Yosef experienced on his own skin the tragic results of discrimination between brothers. [Note: It can be assumed that had Yosef not been treated so specially by his father, his dreams of domination would not have bothered the brothers so intensely.]
Yosef thus made up his mind that if G-d would mercifully rescue him, and if he would merit one day to establish a family, he would treat his children equally, so as not to cause any jealousy.
And thus he raised Menashe and Ephraim, until his own father Yaakov came along and seemed to repeat the mistake that Yosef sought to avoid at all costs. Yosef had brought his sons to Yaakov for a blessing, and placed them in such a way that when Yaakov would extend his right hand, it would fall on the older brother Menashe, while the left, weaker hand would be on Ephraim's head. (Yaakov was unable to see.)
But behold, Yaakov did not cooperate! "Yisrael [Yaakov] extended his right hand and placed it on the head of Ephraim, the younger son, and his left hand he placed on Menashe's head; he crossed his hands" (48,14).
This was very displeasing to Yosef, understandably: "It was bad in his eyes" (verse 17). It brought him back to that terrible day, the result of treating siblings differently. "It must be," he thought, "that my father is not aware of what happened as a result of his own treatment of me at the expense of his other sons!" And so Yosef sought to correct the situation: "He tried to lift his father's hand from Ephraim's hand and place it on Menashe's… for he is the first-born" (verses 17-18).
But Yaakov refused, and explained: "I know, my son, I know. [Menashe] will also become a nation and will attain greatness. But his younger brother will become even greater and will become world-filling nations" (verse 19). Our Sages understood this to mean: "I know, my son, what your brothers did to you in their jealousy, and that you fear that Menashe will similarly become jealous of Ephraim. But still and all, the word of G-d will stand, and his younger brother will become greater than him, and therefore requires a stronger blessing than he does."
Yaakov's explanation is this: "I know your fear, Yosef. But I also know that just because one child is treated differently, this does not have to lead to tragic jealousy. You need not place every portion on a scale in order to ensure that each child receives the exact same amount. Sometimes, children need to be treated differently, according to the circumstances – and at those times, the parent must explain that this is not a result of more or less love; the parent must ensure that there is no misunderstanding."
"Look, Yosef," Yaakov was teaching him, "you see that I have now explained to Menashe that it is not that I love him less. Rather, because of what I foresee in the future, I know that Ephraim will require a stronger blessing. Look, Yosef, and see that Menashe in fact understands the situation and accepts it whole-heartedly, without any jealousy."
The Torah then tells us: "Yaakov blessed them on that day, saying, Israel will [in the future] will use you as a blessing, saying, 'May G-d make you like Ephraim and Menashe' – deliberately placing Ephraim before Menashe" (verse 20). The idea is that this will be the important blessing that all of Israel will learn, and use, for generations; every Friday night, fathers bless their children with these exact words. For it contains a great message: Children need not receive everything in precisely equal proportions; sometimes one child must receive more – but at those times, the parent must make sure that the children are like "Ephraim and Menashe," without jealousy and with understanding. The parents must be on top of the situation and see to it that the children do not misinterpret their parents' intentions.
Interestingly enough, in this very setting, Yaakov appears to give another example of discrimination. He informs Yosef that his two sons would be equivalent to Reuven and Shimon and the others sons in terms of their future inheritances in Eretz Yisrael, thus that Yosef's descendants would have twice as much area as the descendants of his brothers. But Yaakov explains, in verse 20, that now that Yosef understands his role as a parent, and now that Yosef's brothers understand that not every discrimination is unfair, he can allot the portions in an unequal manner, according to what is necessary.
But the sons also have a responsibility to ensure goodwill among them. In verse 10 we read that when Yosef brought his sons to Yaakov for the blessing, Yaakov "could not see… he kissed to them and hugged to them." This is of course very strange wording! Should it not have said that he "kissed them and embraced them"?
Yaakov was transmitting an important message to his grandsons at the very outset of their meeting: "Even when it seems to you that your father or grandfather is not seeing correctly and is acting mistakenly in discriminating between you, make sure you remain close, kissing each other and hugging each other! Do not let these actions cause hatred and jealousy between you, but rather continue to assume that there are no bad intentions, and continue to love each other!"
This is thus Yaakov's last will and testament to both parents and children. To the parents: "If necessary for you parents to act in a particular manner, make sure your children do not misunderstand it." And to the children: "If you suspect that you are being treated unfairly, remember not to let this cause jealousy; rather, assume that there are justified reasons, and continue to remain loving siblings!"
And this is the same message we pass over to our children on Sabbath night: "May G-d make you like Ephraim and Menashe, remaining always on loving brotherly terms, just as they were."
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