by Rav Ariel Farajun, Rabbi in Yeshivat Torat HaChaim, Yad Binyamin , yeshiva.org.il, translated by Hillel Fendel.
This week's Torah portion of Kedoshim (Vayikra 19-20) features the following well-known verse: "Do not hate your brother in your heart; you shall certainly reprove your colleague and do not bear sin upon him" (19,17).
One of the common explanations is that we are commanded to reprove our fellow Jew if we see him sinning, and when we do so, we must be careful not to shame him in the process, and thus we will be saved from bearing a sin because of him.
But according to this explanation, what is the connection between this and the beginning of the verse, which warns us against hating our brother in our heart?
The Rambam, in his Book of Mitzvot (Positive Commandment #205), writes that this mitzvah of giving reproof also includes the obligation to rebuke someone who has wronged you, as opposed to silently harboring a grudge against him and regarding him as a sinner. This means that the Rambam explains the above verse to mean: "If you have a complaint or anger against your friend, rebuke him! Do not retain the feeling that he has sinned; do not bear his sin in your heart."
In light of this explanation, it is clear why the verse began with the command not to hate our comrade – for this is precisely the recipe for cleaning one's heart of enmity: Do not keep a grudge in your heart; rather, work it out with him, discussing with him what you feel he did wrong. [Of course, sometimes people "discuss" things with anger, and then instead of calming down, they actually fan their own flames and become even more angry, without being able to calm down. Clearly, this is not the intended approach. One should rather bring himself to a state where he can talk about bothersome matters calmly and with an open heart.]
Thus, talking with someone about a source of tension, even if with a measure of accusation, can dissolve tensions in the soul and expel them to the external plane.
This principle of "breaking things down via speech" can also work in the opposite direction. In Chapter 1 of Pirkei Avot (Ethics of the Fathers), we are taught: "Speak little, do much." This appears to mean that one should focus his efforts on actions, not on empty talk. However, it can also be understood as saying that if one wants to accomplish things, a good way to do this is by speaking sparingly. Why is this so?
This might be explained in a Kabbalistic vein that one who declares boastfully that he plans to do a particular good deed, the "Other Side" forces then come and seek to prevent him from following up. This is why one who wishes to accomplish his goals would be well-advised to keep his intentions to himself, and then he will be able to succeed.
In light of this insight into the power of speech, we can explain the above Mishna from Pirkei Avot on the simple psychological level: Speaking about something releases the pressure from the internal levels, and prevents internalization of the matter, decreasing the likelihood that it can be practically carried out. As such, decreasing one's speech helps to internalize the mitzvah and its implementation.
In light of this fundamental, we see that it is a matter of great wisdom to be able to discern when one must talk, and when, alternatively, he must choose the path of silence. For instance, publicizing one's good deeds makes it very hard to actually internalize them, as he is more focused on the impression his deeds make on other people. On the other hand, to discuss one's concerns can help to relieve the pressure of his worries.
May G-d grant that we merit to utilize the wondrous power of speech for proper service of the blessed G-d.
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