by Rav David Dov Levanon, Jerusalem Rabbinical Court, yeshiva.org.il, translated by Hillel Fendel.
Just six days after the saddest day of the year, Tisha B'Av (the 9th of Av), comes one of its happiest days, Tu B'Av (the 15th of Av). The Mishna at the end of Tractate Taanit Teaches:
Rabban Shimon ben Gamliel said: There were no days as joyous for the Jewish people as the 15th of Av and Yom Kippur, for on these days the daughters of Jerusalem would go out in borrowed white clothes - so as not to embarrass those who did not have [their own white garments]… And they would go out and dance in the vineyards. And what would they say? "Young man, please lift up your eyes and choose for yourself [a wife]. Do not set your eyes toward beauty, but rather toward [a good] family, as the verse states (Proverbs 31:30): 'Grace is deceitful and beauty is vain, but a woman who fears G-d shall be praised' …" (Taanit 26b)
The Mishna notes here a unique phenomenon in the world of shidduchim (matchmaking). Generally, as the Gemara teaches (Kiddushin 2b), it is the way of a man to pursue a woman for matrimony, and not the other way around, just as one searches for his own lost item [in this case, the rib from which the woman was created]. But here, we see the women chasing after the men. It appears that the dance in the vineyards, and the entire special virtue of shidduchim on these two days, stems from the fact that these are holidays in Israel – days of forgiveness and renewed connection between us and G-d, as in the verse, "on the day of his wedding and the day of his heart's joy" (Song of Songs 3,11). Israel, G-d's bride, sinned, and then - on their own initiative - returned to G-d, the "bridegroom." This then became the model for these special days when the bride pursues the groom.
Several questions arise, among them: Why does the Mishna cite a verse that emphasizes the importance of fearing G-d as support for the importance of family? In addition, later on in the Gemara we learn that aside from the girls who told their potential husbands to seek good family, other girls had a different message: The pretty ones said the men should look at "beauty," while the less attractive of them said, "Choose for the sake of Heaven, as long as you adorn us with gold." How are we to understand this?
Let us explain this based on the words of the 18th-century Maggid of Kuzhnitz. The "pretty" girls refer to those who are full of Torah, mitzvot, and good deeds; the ones of distinguished lineage [who promoted good family] may not have as much Torah, but they have z'chut avot, the "merit of their forefathers;" and the "homely" ones are those who see mainly their own faults, as King David said, "My sin is before me always" (Psalms 51,5). That is, they are on the level of baalei teshuvah, penitents. And this then explains their words, "as long as you adorn us with gold" – i.e., they seek Divine help and guidance in fulfilling the Torah and its mitzvot so that they can become righteous.
The general message is that the more one believes himself to be an empty vessel that needs to be filled, the more he will be able to fill himself with spiritual abundance and feel closeness to G-d. In this context, there appear to be three levels, one atop the other:
The "pretty ones" with good deeds, would certainly be a good choice for those looking for a worthy wife.
Above them are those who do not count on their own good deeds but rather always ask themselves, "When will my deeds reach the level of my forefathers?" and rely on the merit of their ancestors and families. They seek Divine aid and say (Psalms 121,1), "I lift my eyes to the mountains" – harim, in Hebrew, which can allude to horim, parents.
And finally we have the top level, that of the homely who fear that they don't even have the merit of their forefathers and therefore rely solely and totally on Hashem in heaven; as the above verse continues, "My aid comes from G-d, the Maker of heaven and earth." This is why they tell their prospective matches, "Choose for the sake of Heaven, as long as you adorn us with gold" – referring to the gold of good deeds. And because this is what they strive for, they will ultimately be beautified. Of all three types, these are the ones who can draw closest to G-d – and this is precisely why the Mishna concludes with a verse praising the "woman who fears G-d," for she is the culmination of all of them. And all the more so will this be true if those who are "beautiful in deeds" or take merit in the "deeds of their forefathers" are excited and moved by this awareness of the importance of the third level, to constantly increase their pure fear of God; if they do so, their good virtues will enable them to reach this level, and even higher!
The Mishna also notes that the dancing maidens would wear borrowed clothing, so that those who cannot afford their own beautiful dresses would not be embarrassed. This atmosphere of "equality" wherein they do not show off their clothing – that is, their good deeds or special lineage – is the result of the special virtue that the Mishna attributes to the "homely" girls, who are so modest that they do not recognize their own virtues. This is the secret of their machol, circular dance, which has no beginning and no end; rather, everyone is equal.
In sum: When we have nothing to show off, we can fill ourselves with fear of G-d – which will then raise up all of our other virtues to their highest level.
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