by Rav Hillel Fendel.
This week's Torah reading comprises two portions – Acharei Mot and Kedoshim (Vayikra 16-20). Between them they have 79 Torah commandments, including (especially in Kedoshim) many having to do with dealing honestly in monetary matters. Perhaps most famously, however, is the commandment to "love your neighbor as yourself" (Vayikra 19,18) – and related mitzvot, such as not to embarrass people, not to take revenge, and perhaps surprisingly, to admonish those who are sinning and help return them to the Torah path. How is admonishment related to love?
The relevant verse is: "Do not hate your brother in your heart; you shall certainly admonish him, and do not bear sin because of him" (19,17). This appears to say that if one has sinned against you or offended you, do not keep your angry feelings to yourself; rather, the Rambam writes (Laws of Character Traits, Hilkhot De'ot, 6,6), you are "commanded to make the matter known and ask him: 'Why did you do this to me?'" That is, you must not let your resentment fester, but rather show him that you were offended or wronged, for the goal of making peace with him.
However, there is another way in
which this mitzvah of admonishment, called "tokhecha," can be
fulfilled. The Rambam (in the very next paragraph, Law 7), abandons the case of
one who was wronged by another and discusses this new case: "If one sees
that his fellow Jew has sinned [in general] or is following an improper path,
you must [seek to] correct his behavior and tell him that he is harming himself
by his evil deeds… [You should] rebuke him privately, patiently and gently, and
tell him that [you are] only saying this for his own benefit, to allow him to
merit the life of the World to Come..."
There are, of course, many
details as to how this commandment must be fulfilled, so that it does not lead
to hatred and resentment. In fact, the Rambam continues in the next paragraph
(Law 8) to details some of these laws.
Fascinatingly, however, in the next law, Law 9, the Rambam returns to the original case,
and says: "If one was wronged by a colleague and prefers not to
admonish him or even mention the matter… but rather forgives him in his
heart and bears no hatred, this is pious behavior – for the Torah is
concerned only that there be no feelings of hatred."
That is to say, he no longer has an obligation to admonish!
Instead, because he was able to totally forgive him, this not only takes the
place of rebuke, but is actually considered a very high level of behavior.
Back and Forth
If we follow carefully the above rulings by the Rambam, we can
almost not avoid asking the following question: Why does he discuss the case of
one who was wronged by his colleague in Laws 6 and 9, and the laws of one who
has sinned in general in Laws 7 and 8? Would it not have been more logical to
place Law 9 right after 6, and thus complete the first topic, and only then to
teach Laws 7 and 8?
This question does not appear to be addressed by any of the major
commentaries on the Rambam. This makes it possibly even more puzzling: Why did
the Rambam, the great organizer of the laws of all the Torah's mitzvot and the
Talmud's rulings, choose to break up the laws of the tochekha in this
manner?
Perhaps we can offer the following explanation:
The Rambam was not coming to teach us the laws of hokhei'ach
tokhiach, rebuke and admonishment – but rather the "special character
traits that must accompany the administering of such admonishment." That
is, this mitzvah is not just a mechanical one, but rather one whose fulfillment
requires special attention to how it is to be carried out.
This becomes somewhat evident when we us review some of the
details that the Rambam included in the laws of this mitzvah: "If [one who
has wronged you] asks you to forgive him, you must forgive…" That is, the
Rambam steps back from the mitzvah of rebuking to tell you that the goal of the
obligation is to be able to forgive him!
The Rambam then continues [regarding one who sinned in general]:
"You must tell him that you are admonishing him only for his own good, and
that he is only harming himself by his sins… You must speak to him calmly and
nicely, and say that you wish only to help him attain the World to Come…"
What beautiful sentiments accompany this seemingly harsh mitzvah!
The Rambam then elaborates at length that when rebuking him for
sins between-man-and-man [as opposed to sins between-man-and-G-d], you must
"not shame him, and certainly not in public." Don't get carried away
in your fervor to rebuke and cause him shame, which the Sages teach is akin to
spilling his blood! And by the by, we can infer from the Rambam's last words
that you must be careful not to shame him even when talking to him privately...
And finally, the Rambam concludes by returning to where he started
- the scenario of one who wronged another - and explains that the ideal is
actually not to rebuke at all, if possible, but rather to attain the
level of midat hassidut, true piety, and forgive him in your heart
altogether! This of course only applies when one has sinned towards you,
and not in general – and this is why the Rambam returns to this case at the
end, in order to conclude with this highest level.
In sum: The strange format by which the Rambam explains the mitzvah of rebuke is so that he can teach us, at the same time, the important character traits and sensitivity that must accompany its performance.
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